Brother Ken Robertson's Answer:
The following is Ken Robertson's personal opinion and is not sponsored or endorsed by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS). Keep in mind that although Brother Robertson has attempted to prayerfully understand this situation, it is impossible for him to know all the circumstances. With this in mind, please be prayerful, follow the Spirit, and glean wisdom from caring LDS Church leaders.
It sounds as if you've been on a rough road for some time with your marriage. I’m glad that you want to try to revive your marriage... but I also understand that trying to "regain the love" can be a long road back too.
Religious differences can be a huge problem if they matter to either spouse. And it appears they matter greatly to both of you. Let me suggest some rules or guidelines I think you should both consider together. See if you both can agree to the following:
1) Find some way to share your mutual faith in God together. Though you may be of different faiths, you are both Christians, and as such, you should find ways to share your mutual commitment to Christ. I would suggest that you both pray together regularly, and that you both read the scriptures (Bible) together and take time to discuss what you are reading. You may find that your differences will make Bible passages take on differing meanings - and that is OK too, as long as you accept these as part of your "faith-view" that every denomination brings to the scriptures. You can learn a lot from each other! If you are going to be away for some time, perhaps reading some inspirational book you both can agree on while you're separated can be a goal. When you write or talk to each other, you can share your thoughts on your readings.
2) Make the commitment to allow each other time to experience the fellowship of their faith. If you want to help your wife find her way back to the LDS church, then encourage her to attend church regularly. Conversely, if you feel the need to connect strongly to your Methodist church, then she should encourage you to do the same.
3) Decide today that you will take time to share in the religious faith of your spouse. This means that each of you will take some time to go with your spouse to your respective churches. The purpose of this is NOT for conversion, but for understanding what your spouse finds fulfilling in her faith and respecting it enough to take time to share it with her. Remember that you can learn to understand something without necessarily agreeing with it. You will need to talk through how often you will do this for each other, and I cannot give you a timeline - you will need to work this out for yourselves. When my wife and I first met, we would attend both her church and then mine EVERY SUNDAY. That was 6 hours of church in one day! This was OK for us, but it surely would be exhausting to most people! Again, talk out what arrangements would work for you both, and do not expect that your spouse will necessarily go with you every time to your church...just periodically...unless of course, you both want to. If you are away on duty, perhaps your wife could attend a Methodist meeting with a friend she trusts, and conversely, you could connect with some LDS military and perhaps attend a meeting or two with them.
4) In spite of your religious differences, I hope you can both agree to this principle: Your marriage is the most important earthly relationship you have. Given this, it will be important that you both consider each other's feelings as you fellowship in your churches. You should never get so involved in your faith, that your spouse feels neglected. On the other hand, you should never be so focused on your spouse, that you deny them the opportunity to fellowship with those of their faith. It requires a balance...and a whole lot of honest communication.
5) Open both of your hearts to God's voice. By that I mean that when you pray, take time to listen with your heart to see if you can feel and gain thoughts about what you should or should not do. Some Christians call this "inspiration." Others (like those of us who are LDS) call it "revelation," but whatever you call it... try to find it! God can lead you to make choices about how to better treat your spouse, and ways to help rebuild the love you may have lost.
6) Last point: Take time to do 3 important things: Serve, Appreciate, and Play. Find ways to help each other (serve) without being asked. Learn to give specific, sincere and to the point statements of appreciation weekly. Take time to play in a way that is distracting, affectionate, and spiritually appropriate. Consider trying to implement these things into your behaviors with each other, and you will have taken a big step in moving closer to each other. While you are away, service and playfulness will be hard to come by... however, sharing a sense of humor by phone or letter to her can help her feel of the joy you want to freely experience with her...and of course, appreciation by phone or letter is not difficult at all for those who simply want to take the time to do it.
Finally, I want to say thank you for your service to our country. I am so appreciative for the sacrifice that you and your families make to keep the rest of us safe and secure. I'm afraid I could never do it... yet I fully realize that it is your sacrifice and those of your fellow men and women in uniform that allows me the freedom to find joy in my own family and life. Thank you again - I cannot say this enough!
I don't know if any of the above will help you... I'm not sure if it will give you what you're looking for, but seek God in prayer and I know He can guide you to find whatever additional help you need. Please don't throw in the towel.
Respectfully,
Ken Robertson, Ph.D. |
